10 Things from Sunday Funday: Week 5

10 fun things I heard and learned from the Sunday slate.

1. Do not, under any circumstance, let the “party girl” from work plan where you going to watch games on Sunday. “Guys, they have such an amazing brunch, and they show all the games, and it’s so awesome!”

Ok, sounds reasonable.  But here’s what really happened:

We arrive. We wait in line outside. Guy hassles me for ID. We’re asked if we’re with a party. We say we’re with a party in back. They let us in. I look around, it’s a mad house. Will Smith blaring, disco balls and laser lights aplenty. I ask if they have wi-fi. The bouncer says something, I can’t hear him. “WHAT!?” I ask over an ear piecing Gettin Jiggy Wit It remix. He says, “You can try man! No promises though.” Great. I look around, I see a few TVs but most are poorly located. There must be a thousand people here. It looks like the after after after party from The Underground from the night before. Club NFL. Waitresses are handing out free Mimosas everywhere. Hungover people are pounding lemon drops. Lushes are dedicated. There’s a good-lookin brunch on the performance stage though… interesting. We finally find our crew. Everyone has at least two drinks in front of them. Party girl and I embrace. Shes asks me, “Don’t you love it?” I say, “…I love it!”

We leave 10 minutes later. We can still salvage 3 quarters.

2. William Royal, Michael Turner, Sharod White, Donnie D. Avery, welcome to the party. It’s week 5 though, just so you know.You do? Ok good. On a fantasy side note, I’d probably try to move Turner, like, yesterday, after that stellar “once every four game” performance.

3. St. Louis is a mess right now. The Cardinals,  the Rams,  Brad…  The SI Cover Jinx and the Madden Curse have nothing on the Cincinnati Woman Hex

4. 2 for 17? Two for seventeen Derek Anderson? For 23 yards? That’s not even 12%!  Two completions in an entire 60 miniute game?  I don’t understand how that happens in the NFL.  And Braylon is gone so I know there weren’t 15 drops. Where is Charlie Frye?

5. Jabar Gaffney is using barber’s poles instead of calves today, and I’m getting dizzy.

6. Josh Johnson is a nice story, but he should probably just worry about staying in Florida’s rotation for now.

7. Is Hasselbeck really this good? Or is Wallace really that bad. I say both.

8. Rhianna fans, Slaton owners, my god how much longer will we sit here and put up with Chris Brown and his choking ways.

9. Josh McDaniels’ excessive sore-winning fist pumps looked like something Jay Cutler might do. Hmm. And imagine if they still had Cutler, they’d probably be… 5 and 0! Truth of the matter,  I don’t think the Bears are 3-1 this year with Neck-Beard at the helm, so I’m giving Hoodie Jr. his due credit. He can coach.

10. There are still quite a few unbeatens, and quite a few beatens, but there isn’t a single level headed NFL fan or expert that could have predicted the Broncos being 5-0 and the Titans 0-5. Unbelievable.

The G-men are 5-0, and they’re great, but they haven’t played anyone except Dallas, and we know Dallas. The Colts are 5-0. The Vikes are 5-0. The Bengals should be 5-0. The Saints are 4-0. The Chiefs are 0-5, the Rams are 0-5, the Bucs are 0-5, the Raiders and Browns are … 1-4? What the.. when did…Jamarcus has a W? Two for seventeen!!!