10 Things from Sunday Funday: Week 6

1. Everyone is always undefeated in one of their “other” fantasy leagues. And they always seem to have the one guy that is going off at the moment. “Hakeem Nicks touchdown! I knew he’d tear it up against the Saints. I started him in my other league. I also have Jones-Drew, Brees, Moss, Colston, Ray Rice, Thomas Jones, Welker, Brady and Breaston! I’m awesome!” And I most certainly always believe them.

2. I think Jason Campbell is the first player ever to be listed as questionable, not based on his health, but on his talent level.

3. These AM PM commercials claim that “you can never have too much good stuff.” But immediately following that assertion, they end with “AM PM, TOO MUCH good stuff. So I dont know what to believe.

These might even be better than the classic Dwyane Wade “Fall 7 times. Stand up 8,” Converse ads.  And if you don’t remember or understand why: If you fall 7 times, that’s right,  you can only stand up 7 times, not 8.

But why 7 times? Why not 4? Or 10? Or however many times you need? I understand it’s a metaphor for failing and rising again, but they actually give a specific number. What if you’ve used your 7 falls, and Shaq sets a moving screen and he knocks you down again. Is it over? Is that too many falls now? I think it is. Converse and I would both suggest you find a new hobby at this point. It’s just not gonna work out.

4. At 19 years old, Matt Barkley is not better than “The Sanchize,” but he is more talented. And it’s easy to say this now after a 5 INT performance vs. the lowly Bills, but the Irish may have have been better off on Saturday if Sanchez stuck around for another year. Probably not, but its a talking point, because Barkley is going to be the number 1 pick overall in 3 years. Right after Jimmy Clausen goes number 1 the year before him.

5. 5 TD passes in one quarter. 59-0? Is that for real?  Someone found a Game Genie in their storage closet. This can’t happen in a regular mode.

6. If there is anything I’ve learned about fantasy football its that everyone who plays thinks they are really good at it. Just like everyone who drives a car thinks they are really good at it. And always remember this: No one wants to hear about your fantasy team for more than 30 seconds. Anything after that, they’re looking for an out, or they’re ready to talk about their team. Trust me, try it.

7. If you don’t play, don’t act like you know. A few minutes ago a non-fantasy playing casual football fan asked me who my quarterback was like he was about to engage in an intelligent fantasy football conversation with me to impress the girls around. (Ha, I just made myself laugh.. I know, i know, not an ounce of knowledge about fantasy football could remotely impress a girl. In fact, to be this delusional about football has to be a turnoff to anyone, but there was something about the way he asked where it seemed like he was gonna stick his “football smarts” chest out and challenge me. So I tell him my quarterback is Matt Schuab, and he goes “Ah not bad, no Brees or Manning though? Gotta have one of the big boys man.” And he gives me this look like I don’t know what I’m doing.  Oh no you didn’t. You just opened the wrong door you @#$%#!!!  Slick, do me a favor and unbutton your shirt one more button before I jump across this table and shove my seasonal brew bottle up your…  I mean come on! I would never draft a quarterback in the first round when I can consistently find a Matt Schaub talent in a later round year after year after year. But there is no time or need to explain value to this Fantasy Guru, he knows that Manning and Brees are great. Get back in your flashy BMW and go look at yourself in the mirror a few thousand more times because I will not have this conversation with you, you hair product abusing poseur.

Hold on minute, oh nice…nice! He’s buying a round for the entire table.. Well now. Interesting. That’s pretty cool… I mean, we could probably hit the town together and cruise for chicks one night ya know? Talk about Seven jeans and stuff. I kinda like this guy. And I guess Manning would be nice to own…

8. I understand what “Any given Sunday” means, but I was under the impression it did not apply to the Raiders in Philly, or the Bills in New Jersey. What was that all about? On the other end of the spectrum, the Vikes and Saints are excellent. Brees and Favre are easily two of the front runners for MVP, right alongside Peyton, Big Ben, and Pujols.

9. I hate when a 1 o’clock game that was being shown on a corner TV ends early and switches over to the main game you’ve been focusing on all day, AND ITS TWO SECONDS AHEAD!  Oh god, here we go. Now you have to awkwardly rotate and strain your neck and back to look at the other TV so your not watching something that already happened. You’ll even try to block it out with your hand or a menu, but you can’t win. It’s too much effort. You’ll somehow catch a glimpse out of the corner of your eye. And even if you successfully block it out you can’t avoid hearing the early boos and cheers from other parts of the bar. Now your not even focused on the game. Now you only care that your TV, the one that is perfectly located in front of you, is no longer as good as this new corner TV. You’ve completely lost focus. You’re probably gonna hit something.. Oh no.. wait..Hauschka missed the kick!?!? Hooked left? Is that what I’m hearing from over there? Vikes win! OH yeaaa, Brett Favre baby!! Go FOOTBALL!!! On any TV!!!

10. When Brady Quinn finally finds a new suitor for his bachelor pad I bet he rips the For Sale sign out of the front yard and yells, “Now I’m Done.”