10 Things from Sunday Funday: Week 7

1. “What the?…This is the worst collection of human beings ever assembled.” – Friend voicing his opinion of the Rams after a pick six.

2. ESPN analyst Merril Hoge uses his silly “factor back” label to describe so many running backs it doesn’t even mean anything anymore. I think I’ll let him borrow my new one that I stayed up all night coming up with. The “Fever Receiver.”  Ochocinco is a “Fever Receiver” because he is so hot right now and he is siiiiick. Get it? A Fever Receiver, because it rhymes! And just like a temperature, he is heating up, and he is sick! I know, I’m clever, and I’m gonna use this one over and over so many freaking times you will learn to love it. Merril and I are what I like to call “catch phrase connoisseurs.” Just two funny guys who are what I like to call “factor analysts.”

3. There’s a flag on the play in the Kansas City game. Let’s listen in and hear what the ref has to say. “Penalty…Number 7 on the offense… making too much money.”

4. A bar we walked by in the morning was advertising “Kill the B*tch” shots on its window for only $4!! …Right, exactly what I’m thinking. What the hell is a “Kill the B*itch” shot? And why is this bar advertising it like it is THEE hot item right now? They’re pushing it like their bar is THEE best place to get it because they have it at THEE best price. And if you stumble upon a coupon with a better price from competing bar, they will most certainly match it. Ha, “Kill the B*tch Shots.” Hilarious. I don’t know what it is, but I better get in there.

5. The bar where we’re watching the Giants Cards game has a drink called the Man-mosa on special. The Man-mosa? Oh, man, that can’t be good. I didn’t ask but I can only imagine: Equal parts OJ, champagne, Walker, Jack, Moonshine, 151, Valvoline, lambs blood, 10,000 grams of protein, 3 scoops of Creatine, 5 scoops of No-Xplode!  IT’S THE MAN- MOSA! GET DRUNK AND VASCULAR AND CRUSH SOMETHING AFTER A LOVELY SUNDAY BRUNCH! BE OVERLY FORWARD TOWARD WOMEN AND THEN TALK TO THEM ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS! GET IN A HUGE WORKOUT RIGHT AFTER THE GAME AND THEN SCHEDULE YOUR MONDAY MORNING MANI/PEDI!!!  Something like that… or probably not at all.

6. That simulated animal face-off  TV show is a joke.  In a fight between a bear and a tiger, they predict that a bear would win because its much stronger and its skin is much too thick for tiger’s teeth to penetrate. They suggest that the bear would eventually club the tiger to death with its massive paws… Haaaa Hilarious!  What a joke. Not even close Discovery Channel. A Bengal Tiger wins this fight so easily the bear probably doesn’t even show up. And if the Bear does get in the ring, the fight is over in the first round. The tiger will strike as soon as the whistle blows and the bear won’t even know what hit him. He’ll sink his teeth in and he won’t let up until the bear rolls over, turns the ball over 4 times, and dies.

7. I know he was excellent, but it just seems funny to see CC handed an ALCS MVP trophy when he hasn’t left the bench or taken off his jacket off in either of the last two games. Pitchers and position players should probably have separate awards.

8. Is anyone hearing these Yankee post game celebration interview questions from Kenny Albert?

“Jorge, have you explained to the kids what champagne is yet?”

“HAHA (awkward courtesy laugh) Eh..yea, we try to keep them away from it.”

Great stuff Kenny.

“Mariano did you think you had another 6 out save in ya?”

“Oh yea definitely, I definitely did.”

Wow, I mean what else could he have possibly answered here? “Um no sir, I did not think I had a 2 inning save in me because I have no confidence in myself. I am mentally very soft and most people including myself think I am a loser. I wanted to tell coach not to put me in in the 8th. Actually, I wanted to tell him to leave me off the ALCS roster because I do not think I have it in me.The other day my wife asked me to DVR So You Think You Can Dance and I couldn’t even save that for her. And it’s our favorite. I’m gonna go somewhere and be alone now.

“Mariano, have you started thinking about the Phillies yet?

“No, not yet, I will on Tuesday.”

Come on Kenny, he’s just earned a trip to the World Series, it’s a night to celebrate. Did you really think he’d say, “Yes sir. Immediately after I struck out Gary Matthews, and Jorge came running at me, I told him to shut up and stop cheering. I avoided his hug and told him we need to go down to the locker room right now and figure out what pitches Chase Utley struggles with on a 2-2 count. He tried to high five me after that and I punched him in the stomach and said, ‘You haven’t won anything yet Jorge. Now let’s go figure out Jimmy Rollins batting average with men on first and third.”

Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. Even if you held off on that question until an hour before Game 1 on Wednesday, is that something you would really ask Mariano Rivera? Rivera doesn’t care who he’s playing. Rivera goes in at the end of the game and throws 15 cut-fastballs and gets 3 outs. That’s it. And then he fields deep interview questions.

9. It’s rare that we see a penalty instituted solely based on a single player’s actions, but every once in awhile a guy like Roy Williams comes along and coins the infamous “Horse Collar” tackle; A play in which a ball carrier is dragged down from behind by the collar of his jersey. Brutal on the knees and the career.

Well, it’s been awhile now, but I think a new individual infraction is in order. It’s called “Offensive Roughing the Tackler” and it should be called all day on Adrian Peterson for plays like this and this. I mean something needs to be done or someone is going to get seriously hurt.

10. The AFC is loaded right now. Colts, Bengals, Patriots, Steelers, Broncos. I think the Lombardi trophy stays in the American Conference again. Actually, I don’t think it’s leaving the city it’s in right now. I think the Curtain wraps up “one for the other middle finger.”