Hump Day Highlights: Week 5

This week’s video flavor from last weekend’s action.

Ray Lewis’s attempted decapitation of Chad Ochocinco

Owen Schmitt cracks his head open to get fired up

Dre Bly celebrates pick wayyy too early

Roddy White scorches the 49ers for 90 yard TD

Top 5 catches of the week

Ray Rice’s electrifying screen pass TD

College Football Rankings Reaction: Week 7

Rankings Reaction – Rankings based on the USA Today Coaches Poll

• Florida proved too tough for LSU and shut them down. Not exactly the ideal offensive output, but not having Tebow all week led to a little rust.
• Looks like there might be a trend of BCS teams passing over Boise. USC did the leap frog this week. Chris Petersen’s Broncos continue to take care of business and slip down in the polls.



• Bama still rolling and starting to get some #1 love with 5 votes.
• Ohio State is getting better and better as they whooped Wisconsin.
• LSU dropped to 10. They better get the offense going or they could free fall.
• Iowa pulled out another close one. Can they keep this up? My gut says “No.” The pick that sealed Michigan’s fate late.



• Zac Lee and the Huskers woke up in the rain and got a big win in Columbia.
• Sammy B is back for Red River; Watch out Horns!
• Cincy and South Florida gear up for a battle of unbeatens Thursday in Tampa. The Cats look for some fireworks with the Bulls this week.



• South Carolina, Houston, and Notre Dame jump back in. Notre Dame welcomes the rival Trojans and the Cocks have Alabama on the road. Both could be right back out on Sunday.

10 Things from Sunday Funday: Week 5

10 fun things I heard and learned from the Sunday slate.

1. Do not, under any circumstance, let the “party girl” from work plan where you going to watch games on Sunday. “Guys, they have such an amazing brunch, and they show all the games, and it’s so awesome!”

Ok, sounds reasonable.  But here’s what really happened:

We arrive. We wait in line outside. Guy hassles me for ID. We’re asked if we’re with a party. We say we’re with a party in back. They let us in. I look around, it’s a mad house. Will Smith blaring, disco balls and laser lights aplenty. I ask if they have wi-fi. The bouncer says something, I can’t hear him. “WHAT!?” I ask over an ear piecing Gettin Jiggy Wit It remix. He says, “You can try man! No promises though.” Great. I look around, I see a few TVs but most are poorly located. There must be a thousand people here. It looks like the after after after party from The Underground from the night before. Club NFL. Waitresses are handing out free Mimosas everywhere. Hungover people are pounding lemon drops. Lushes are dedicated. There’s a good-lookin brunch on the performance stage though… interesting. We finally find our crew. Everyone has at least two drinks in front of them. Party girl and I embrace. Shes asks me, “Don’t you love it?” I say, “…I love it!”

We leave 10 minutes later. We can still salvage 3 quarters.

2. William Royal, Michael Turner, Sharod White, Donnie D. Avery, welcome to the party. It’s week 5 though, just so you know.You do? Ok good. On a fantasy side note, I’d probably try to move Turner, like, yesterday, after that stellar “once every four game” performance.

3. St. Louis is a mess right now. The Cardinals,  the Rams,  Brad…  The SI Cover Jinx and the Madden Curse have nothing on the Cincinnati Woman Hex

4. 2 for 17? Two for seventeen Derek Anderson? For 23 yards? That’s not even 12%!  Two completions in an entire 60 miniute game?  I don’t understand how that happens in the NFL.  And Braylon is gone so I know there weren’t 15 drops. Where is Charlie Frye?

5. Jabar Gaffney is using barber’s poles instead of calves today, and I’m getting dizzy.

6. Josh Johnson is a nice story, but he should probably just worry about staying in Florida’s rotation for now.

7. Is Hasselbeck really this good? Or is Wallace really that bad. I say both.

8. Rhianna fans, Slaton owners, my god how much longer will we sit here and put up with Chris Brown and his choking ways.

9. Josh McDaniels’ excessive sore-winning fist pumps looked like something Jay Cutler might do. Hmm. And imagine if they still had Cutler, they’d probably be… 5 and 0! Truth of the matter,  I don’t think the Bears are 3-1 this year with Neck-Beard at the helm, so I’m giving Hoodie Jr. his due credit. He can coach.

10. There are still quite a few unbeatens, and quite a few beatens, but there isn’t a single level headed NFL fan or expert that could have predicted the Broncos being 5-0 and the Titans 0-5. Unbelievable.

The G-men are 5-0, and they’re great, but they haven’t played anyone except Dallas, and we know Dallas. The Colts are 5-0. The Vikes are 5-0. The Bengals should be 5-0. The Saints are 4-0. The Chiefs are 0-5, the Rams are 0-5, the Bucs are 0-5, the Raiders and Browns are … 1-4? What the.. when did…Jamarcus has a W? Two for seventeen!!!

Dr. P’s Week 5 NFL Picks

Ravens –8.5 over Bengals

The Bengals are catching Ray Ray at bad time, plus the Ravens are at home. If Flacco continues to play well, Baltimore will win by double digits.
Fantasy Alert: Dominating performance by Ravens D

Buffalo –6 over Browns

It was an interesting week for the Browns including trading away their number one receiver for “possibly” hitting one of LeBron’s boys. I don’t see them covering this spread on the road.
Fantasy Alert: Trent Edwards should be a quality bye-week fill in.

Panthers –3.5 over Redskins

Carolina should be ready to go following a week off.
Fantasy Alert: Steve Smith finally does something

Steelers –10.5 over Lions

Steelers will win big. Stafford is banged up, and Pittsburgh has seemed to figure out their running game woes.
Fantasy Alert: Mendenhall will follow up his breakout game with big numbers

Cowboys –9 over Chiefs

Dallas is struggling but K.C. is just bad and they do not have enough offense to keep up with many teams in the league.
Fantasy Alert: Big game for MBIII if he is fully recovered.

Giants –16 over Raiders

The huge spread does not scare me at all. The Giants have too many weapons offensively for the Raiders to keep up with them. The only reason JaMarcus is still starting is because Bruce Gradkowsi is the backup.
Fantasy Alert: I would feel comfortable starting Jacobs and Bradshaw on my squad.

Eagles – 15 over Bucs

Philly is 2 for 2 this season blowing out bad teams, they will make it 3 for 3 this week.
Fantasy Alert: DeSean Jackson returns with a bank in Week 5

Vikings –10 over Rams

A let down game is very possible on the road for Minnesota following the big win Monday night, but for fortunately for them, they get St. Louis.
Fantasy Alert: Percy Harvin should have a big game unless he is used as a decoy again.

Texans +5.5 over Cardinals

Arizona is 0-2 at home. I’ll take the Texans explosive offense and points.
Fantasy Alert: I like studs (Fitz and Andre) having big games in a high scoring game.

Patriots –3.5 over Broncos

I think Hoody Jr.’s team hangs in there in their toughest test of the season, but Brady will be too much for them. I like the Pats by a touchdown.
Fantasy Alert: Knowshon should run through New England’s D just like the Ravens did last week

Jaguars over Seahawks (OFF)

I like Jacksonville to add to their two game winning streak on the road. The Jags have not lost since Del Rio cut the cord on the “David Garrard Show”.
Fantasy Alert: I like another big week for Garrard

Colts –4 over Titans

Tennessee will have no answer for Indy’s passing attack, despite the possible return of Finnegan.
Fantasy Alert: It’s a different player every week for the Colts, I’ll take Garcon in Week 5.

Jets –2 over Fins

Bounce back game for Sanchez and the Jets.
Fantasy Alert: Braylon will score in his first game for the J-E-T-S after admitting he was not 100% focused in Cleveland.

Week 5 NFL Power Rankings

A weekly peek at the NFL from top to bottom.

NFL Power Rankings

1 Last Week: 1	New Orleans Saints The defense had 4 sacks, 3 interceptions, 1 forced fumble and 2 touchdowns. Not bad for an offensive powerhouse. They get the bye week to prepare for the Giants in week 6.
2 Last Week: 2	New York Giants Kansas City one week, Oakland the next. Then the true test with New Orleans.
3 Last Week: 3	Indianapolis Colts Took care of a pathetic Seahawks team. Now they get a scary match up with the underachieving Titans.
4 Last Week: 5	Minnesota Vikings Made a statement on Monday night. One slip up by the Colts from moving up another spot this week.
5 Last Week: 7	Denver Broncos Defense looks really good. Team can make a real statement this week with a win over New England.
6 Last Week: 8	New England Patriots Big win over the Ravens last week. Look for Brady and Moss to start clicking.
7 Last Week: 4	Baltimore Ravens Gave the Pats everything they wanted. Can separate themselves from the rest of the AFC North this week with a win over the Bengals.
8 Last Week: 9	Philadelphia Eagles Coming off a bye week they get the Bucs. Perfect scenario for Donovan’s return.
9 Last Week: 11	Cincinnati Bengals Seem to do just enough to win every week. Already have wins against AFC North foes Pittsburgh and Cleveland, this week they get Baltimore.
10 Last Week: 10	Atlanta Falcons Had a week to lick their wounds after the L in New England. Next up, a feisty ‘Niners squad.
11 Last Week: 6	New York Jets Mark Sanchez looked like a rookie for the first time. Need a big win on Monday night to get that excitement back.
12 Last Week: 14	San Fransisco 49ers 35-0 is impressive no matter who you play in the NFL. Big game this week with Atlanta coming to town.
13 Last Week: 16	Chicago Bears Head into the bye week 3-1. Cutler had 18 completions to 9 different targets.
14 Last Week: 17	Pittsburgh Steelers Dominated the Bolts for 3 quarters, then tried to find a way to give it away. Already lost to the Bengals in the 4th quarter this year, need to watch the late game meltdowns.
15 Last Week: 13	Green Bay Packers Did anyone really think Brett was going to lose to Green Bay? They get a week to regroup for the lowly Lions.
16 Last Week: 12	Dallas Cowboys Struggled against a tough Denver defense. A trip to Arrowhead could be just what they need to get back in the win column.
17 Last Week: 18	Jacksonville Jaguars Look to win 3 in a row in Seattle this week. Sims-Walker is making some names for himself.
18 Last Week: 20	Houston Texans Explosive skill position players. Look to get over .500 in the desert.
19 Last Week: 15	San Diego Chargers A lot of work to do in the bye week. It was too little too late on Monday night, but we need to see the offense rolling like it was in the 4th quarter.
20 Last Week: 26	Miami Dolphins Henne gets a W in his first start. Ronnie and Ricky are running wild.
21 Last Week:24	Washington Redskins 2-2 record gets them back in front of the Lions in the rankings.
22 Last Week:19	Arizona Cardinals Need a win over the Texans Sunday to get on track and stay in contention.
23 Last Week: 22	Seattle Seahawks Defense is terrible. Really need a healthy Hasselbeck to compete.
24 Last Week:21	Buffalo Bills Lynch didn’t look so great in his first game back from suspension. 3 completions to TO is a move in the right direction.
25 Last Week:23	Detroit Lions The streak ends at 1, but they scored 24 points which is a good sign for the offense.
26 Last Week:25	Tennessee Titans 13-3 last year, ranked behind the Lions this year. I’ve been asking for a Vince Young package for weeks.
27 Last Week: 27	Carolina Panthers Hopefully the passing game shows some life coming out of the bye.
28 Last Week:22	Oakland Raiders 173 yards of total offense won’t win many games.
29 Last Week:30	Tampa Bay Buccaneers Scoring 13 points moves them up 1 spot. The defense looked good for 3 of 4 quarters.
30 Last Week:29	St. Louis Rams Being shut out 35-0 is not pretty.
31 Last Week:28	Kansas City Chiefs It’s about time to start handing the ball to Jamaal Charles, not Larry Johnson.
32 Last Week: 31	Cleveland Browns Shipping Edwards out was long overdue. This team is best in the league at one thing….blocking field goals.

Yo! NFL Jams – 1st Edition

This is all around amazing. From the broadcasters in the beginning, the flashy 90s attire, and corny lyrics of “Cory and the Fins” to the intro with David Griggs. I remember Griggs as the slow guy (that you had to control to have a chance at blocking kicks) who couldn’t block kicks for the Dolphins on Tecmo Super Bowl. What I did not remember was that Griggs died tragically in a car accident prio to the 95 season. Let’s remember the good times for Griggs and the Fins and RIP to David.

P.S. How are Marino and the Marks Bros not involved?

Why can’t NFL teams do this stuff now? All of the Eagles stars are here and it’s comedy gold…whether they meant it to be funny or not.

Mike Tice getting his groove on.

Top 25 Picks: Week 6

Thursday 9:00

(18)Missouri +3.5 over (22)Nebraska
For some reason the oddsmakers really like Nebraska in this one.  The last two times they met Mizzou blew them out.  I’ll take the points and the Tigers at home.

Saturday Noon

Boston College +13.5 over (5)Virginia Tech
This mini-rivalry has been hotly contested in recent years.  I like the Hokies in a close one.

Arkansas +3 over (19)Auburn
I like the Hogs at home.  Mallett is immensely talented and I’m not sold on Auburn just yet.

(11)Penn State NO LINE over Eastern Illinois
Come to Penn Staaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:30

Iowa State +19.5 over (15)Kansas
I think Iowa State establishes the run early and keeps it close for awhile.  Reesing and Mangino are good enough to pull one more out at home.

(13)Oklahoma State NO LINE over Texas A&M
Aggies get poked for first loss.  Gundy’s got too many weapons for A&M.

3:30

(25)Wisconsin +16 over (8)Ohio State
Wisconsin has enough firepower to scare the O-H faithful, but the Bucks take it.

(3)Alabama -5.5 over (18)Ole Miss
Roll Tide!  Terrible Terrence will have his way with the Rebel O-Line.

(17)Oregon NO LINE over UCLA
Neuheisel is still getting things going and the Ducks have more talent.

(21)Oklahoma NO LINE over Baylor
Have the Bears ever beaten Oklahoma?  Not that I remember.

7:00

Miami NO LINE over FAMU
There would be a line if this was NCAA basketball.

7:15

Colorado +32 over (2)Texas
The Buffs are getting blown out by everyone.  32 points though…my how far the program has fallen since Katie Hnida (below) left.  Not only are the Buffs playing like girls, they’re terrible!

7:30

(9)TCU -10 over Air Force
TCU has too many good athletes to shut down the option attack.

8:00

Florida State -3 over (23)Georgia Tech
I cannot figure out Florida State and I don’t think the Seminoles can figure themselves out.  Amid the turmoil, I think they come together and pull off a big win.  I have no confidence in this pick.

(1)Florida NO LINE over (4)LSU
Gator D reeks havoc and forces some game-changing turnovers.

Michigan +8 over (14)Iowa
Iowa has had far too many scares against inferior competition to inspire this kind of confidence.  Hawkeyes by 3.

10:00

UNLV +17 over BYU
Too big of a line for a road team that is largely unproven.  This was a 7 point game last year in Provo.

Week 4 NFL Cheerleader Roundup

Week 4 of the NFL season means another great gallery of NFL Cheerleaders!

If your thirst isn’t yet quenched, hit NFL.com for more.

The 10 Least Intimidating NFL Team Names

Keep your Lions and Tigers and Bears at bay while I break down the 10 most pitiful team nicknames around the NFL.

10. Texans – The expansion Texans took there name from the old Dallas Texans, choosing it over names like Apollos, Bobcats, Stallions, Torros, and Wildcatters. So, a Roman god, a fierce cat, a beastly horse, a raging bull, an oil driller (not that tough), or a person from Texas? Hmmm. Intimidation clearly wasn’t a priority. Houston nearly steered clear of this list altogether because of this Texan. Slap this unstoppable force on a logo and you’re top dog on another list right above of a Titan and a lightning bolt. Unfortunately this moniker is all-encompassing, which means it also represents these guys, and her. And not that there’s anything wrong with them, I’m just not running to lock my door at night.

Well, I’d probably lock…  For some of them I’d… I like women.

9. Bills - This nickname is one heckuva a mind bender. A quick history: A Buffalo Bill is not a type of monetary unit, or something you’re always late to pay, or a blue bison with a red laser stemming from its horns. (Which, in reality is a cartoon-like streak that’s supposed to show speed and add color…Neat.) Really, a Bill is just the nickname of a guy named William Cody, more commonly known as Buffalo Bill. No no, not this gentle soul. This one, the soldier turned entertainment mogul who organized Wild Wild West themed traveling shows. Pretty clever right? Using the city name as part of the total nickname package.

Well, here’s the kicker. Mr. Bill Cody actually has no ties to the city of Buffalo. Rather, he earned his nickname from his hunting days when he slaughtered thousands and thousands of American buffalo in a span of 8 months… Ehh..

Seriously, this is a real sculpture of him: A statue depicting the “team name” destroying the “team logo.” Seems like a great concept to name your franchise after: counterproductive homonyms. Unless Bill was routinely dressing up like this for his Ringling Bros. act, I think I’ll probably be able to keep my wits about me in the City of Light.

8. Saints – Whether they were awarded the franchise on All Saints Day, or they wanted to honor their beloved “When The Saints Go Marching In” number, or whether the name came about in a popular fan vote (right answer), it really doesn’t matter. This nickname is UTTERLY nonthreatening. The Saints. Geez, I mean we’re talking about the ideal operating model for how to be a proper human being here. There’s nothing remotely frightening about that. These people are near flawless. We’re also talking about a divine honor that is typically bestowed posthumously, which maybe explains the play of New Orleans over the last 40 years. Ohh-huh-ho! Bam! At any rate, these guys are way too wonderful to scare anyone.

“It’s ok that you blindsided me young soul, I only pray that our collision of such great magnitude did not serve to harm you in anyway, and that it further leads you down a path toward a stronger relationship with The Lord.” -Saint.

Something like to that.

From the book, Making Saints: How the Catholic Church Determines Who Becomes a Saint, Who Doesn’t and Why, (simple titles are great) Kenneth Woodward, claims: “A Saint is always someone through whom we catch a glimpse of what God is like, and of what we are called to be.” Ok so not so much him, which of course, is not the point, but Shockey alone is much more intimidating than the name Saint is, any day. Also, say what you must about the fleur-de-lis and its association with power, religion, and the French monarchy, but that my friends, that is a flower. I don’t care how many sick moves Reggie makes, there will always be two lilies pleasantly perched on top of his head.

7. 49ers – First of all, it’s a number. Numbers are not frightening, unless you’re turning 49. I don’t know. I find it amusing that they’re commonly referred to as the ‘Niners, which conveniently reminds me of Tommy Callahan trying to remember a phone number.

Anyhow, the 49ers were actually named in honor of the California Gold Rush. More specifically, after the 300,000 men, women, and children who made the difficult trip to San Francisco in 1849 in search of the sacred element. And while I can’t say these gold chasers were soft, as the journey to California was an arduous one, truth is, a lot of ‘niners were actually women and children. And give them credit for making the trip in search of a better life, but I just don’t see these guys being the reason Larry Fitz puts in any extra time in the film room.

6. Colts – The colt is defined as a young male horse, under the age of four. So… a baby horse? ZZZzzzzzz. Maybe if we were talking about this colt, and most certainly this colt, I might have trouble sleeping at night. But were not, we’re talking about this colt. Look at him. Look at that guy. Downright frightening. “Ima gonna getchu.” he mumbles. I doubt it. Maybe his Bronco Pop could trample me if he was mad enough, but not this little beast. No sir, not skerred. Even this colt will knock you down once in awhile. And this one can beat you with his arm, and that thing he’s holding. And this one… alright well, you get it, there are plenty of tougher options.

5. Packers - So as the story goes, Curly Lambeau, a Packer employee for whom the Frozen Tundra is aptly named, asks his other employer, The Indian Packing Company, if they would shell out some cash for some new jerseys. They of course oblige on the agreement that Green Bay would incorporate their name on the uni in some fashion. Thus, the Green Bay Packers were formed.

Nice, I like it. I like the tradition. But meat packers? Far from intimidating. (Except for this guy Whoa.) I did read somewhere that Lambeau originally wanted to name the team “Death Skulls,” but the IPC really wanted some recognition, so it didn’t happen. (Alright I made that up, but Meat Packers?). I mean I guess it’s cool that it can be paired up with “backer”, and “attack,” for some cool sayings, but regardless of the endearing story above, no meat packing industry is putting fear in my heart unless my hands are anywhere near the grinder.

Furthermore, a few years back, a bar named “Cans” similarly agreed to pay half of my teams flag football league fee if we would all rep their team shirts and drink at their bar. We agreed to drink at their bar, but we stuck with our own uniform and nickname because “Donkey Punchers” just had more bite to it than the “Lincoln Park Cans.” Know what I’m saying?

4. Ravens -  Ok get Ray Ray out of your head for one minute and look at this objectively. It’s not about him, it’s about you. and you’re not intimidating at all, so you’re going on this list.

“Nevermore.”

Please. You birds aren’t hurting anyone or anything anytime soon. You’re a nickname based on Edgar Allan Poe’s poem about you. Don’t even try to get a big head about all this. Even he considers you a harmless, “non-reasoning” bird. Baltimore only named their team after you to honor him spending his life in city.

“Nevermore.”

Nevermore? What do you mean, nevermore? Are you saying that’s not why they’re named the Ravens? It is why. You’re an idiot. I mean, I agree it’s an interesting back-story how you came to represent a football team and all, but you’re an incredibly un-tough bird. That’s all I’m saying.

“Nevermore.”

Stop doing that. What are you trying to prove? That you’re tough? That you’re imposing? You weigh 2 pounds. Give it up man. Last time I checked, Ravens were just scavengers. You don’t hunt for anything, in fact, you let other’s do your work and then you feed, or else you just eat bugs.

“Nevermore.”

You don’t eat bugs? Or your not scavengers? You have to elaborate. I mean I know you’re moderately intelligent birds capable of simple speech like parrots, but you’re not above feeding on my garbage. And I’ve seen you do it.

“Nevermore.”

Ok shut the… this is getting ridiculous. I refuse to play the part of the desperate character from your famed poem. And fine, I’ll tell you why you made the list and the other birds didn’t. You want to know why? It’s because the other birds are not useless. Osprey (Seahawks), and Falcons, and Eagles, those guys are predators, those guys are intense. They attack things. They’ve earned the name “raptors” because they seize their food and they take it by force. Ravens eat berries.

“Nevermore!”

Shut up! You ridiculous mythical bird, you do eat berries, and seeds, and dead carcasses, and you do it because you can’t hunt anything on your own. You are a glorified crow, you’re just as simple, and whole lot more annoying.

“Nevermore!”

That’s it, that’s enough, I’m done with this conversation. Please fly away and bother someone else. I’m not buying any of your lies and there’s nothing you could say to swing my vote. Not even Hitchcock could make me run from you pushovers. Goodbye, and nevermore will I be speaking to you, you heartless little –

“Ray Lewis.”

3. Browns – Much like the Bills, the Browns are named after a single person. Mr. Paul Brown. Fortunately for Ohioans, Brown didn’t run around killing Clevelands like Bill did Buffalos, whatever that means, but I’m assuming he’s a probably a decent guy. And as great as Paul Brown is or was, he’s really just another person who happened to coach football and create a team in the 40’s. That’s not really a force to be reckoned with. And not to downplay his accomplishments, as he’s considered a football genius for innovating the modern day offense, I’m just saying if had to be stuck in a room with a him, a panther, or a jaguar, I’d choose him. No question.

I might have even moved Cleveland lower on this list because of Brown’s influence on the game and his brilliant mind, but strangely, the Browns marketing department chooses to keep Paul out of its entire campaign. They prefer to showcase their nickname as nothing more than a color, And the wrong one at that.

Wait really? There’s nothing? No logo, no word? Just…nothing?  Or wait, is this Paul Brown? No, that’s just Brownie, the unofficial fear-inducing European Elf logo. Ok, well what about this identity created when ex-player, Hanford Dixon and his fellow DBs would bark at each other during games and call themselves the top-dawgs? Is that where we’re going now? I don’t follow. Maybe Dixon should be officially crowned now with his new logo/nickname creation. Or are we still including Paul? Or is Brownie still holding out hope? I’m lost. Why are they orange again? That elf is really cute. They wear brown pants occasionally? Oh, ok. Wait are those numbers on their helmets now? Hold on, who is their…because shouldn’t  it be.. I mean does anyone even, ya know.. I don’t know,  are you confused? I’m confused… Lebron James.

Additionally, Paul Brown didn’t even want the team called the Browns, he wanted it to be Panthers, so, ya know, there’s that bit of information for no reason.

Sadly, it seems the only representation Paul Brown can get anymore is over here, in a different city, for a different team.

2. Dolphins – The sweetest, kindest, most wonderful creature in the sea!  He’s faster than lightning, but he’s scaring no one.

Everyone loves the king of the sea,

Ever so kind and gentle is he,

Tricks he will do when children appear,

And how they laugh when he’s near!

The first line of this verse is false. Flipper is not King of the sea. And the real King…well, not EVERYONE is happy with him. (until the end! Spoooiiiiler!!!)

The next three lines are much more telling of what were dealing with. Words like gentle, children, and laughter. We’re talking about the polar opposites of frightening. Well, almost. But then to top it all off with these colors? C’mon South beach, you’re not bringing the heat, and you’re definitely not scaring anyone. Change it to this and maybe we’ll stay in the shallow end.

1. Cardinals – AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hAAAAhH HAAHAaaaaaaaaahhhhhaa, adorable. I started to research this but I stopped when I saw that a cardinal’s weight is listed in grams and not pounds. AHHHHHHH hahaha, oh man. It doesn’t get any sadder than this. Go ahead and blame Chi-town for the name, fine, but there was every opportunity to change it. Just look at this little guy! He eats seeds for Christ’s sake. Puh-riceless.

Hump Day Highlights: Week 4

Brandon Marshall’s game winner vs the Cowboys

Johnny Knox’s big return & ballboy’s impressive wheels

Chad Ochocinco’s 1-handed touchdown grab

Jay Cutler helicopters into the endzone

Last but not least, a mega-mashup of the week’s top plays

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