ABC’s The Bachelor: How A Guy Throws a Football Tells A Lot About Him… Or Not

Here’s a quality pigskin moment that I stumbled on from ABC’s The Bachelor.

“I feel like you can tell a lot about a guy by the way he throws a football,” says the attractive 29 year old Elizabeth Kitt, a contestant on the show who’s here most likely to find true love, not fame.

Well this ought to be interesting. A girl who claims she can tell a lot about a guy from the way throws a ball. I like it, and I agree. Athletically, you can spot natural talent after just a throw or two. Jake The Bachelor was apparently up for the challenge, so we’ll join in with Elizabeth and help her grade out his pigskin prowess.

Can Jake throw a football well? Is Elizabeth a good judge of talent? I doubt it. But lets break down 5 different throws from this clip and find out for sure.

Elizabeth Throw # 1 (0:15 seconds) Pretty solid. A bit short armed, but a nice fluid motion. The ball rolls off her hand nicely as she breaks her wrist. Impressive quality for an attractive female.

She might have a decent idea of what an athlete looks like after all. Plus she mentions she’s from an athletic family. I’ll believe her for now. Pretty shaky catch from Jake I should mention. Let’s see how he throws it.

Jake Throw # 1 (0:19) Winds up.. Annddd.. Eh, well that was odd. That was more of a guided shot put toss than anything resembling a fluid throwing motion. He kept his wrist and elbow pretty stiff and he also stopped pretty abruptly on the follow through for whatever reason. That was pretty un-athletic looking. First throw though, could be just warming up, we won’t judge him yet. Let’s hear what Elizabeth has to say about it:

“He looked perfect throwing the football”

Ehhhh… ha, ok then. That puts a slight dent in her credibility, but let’s move to another throw to get a better better sample. No sense judging either of them after one quick clip.

Jake Throw # 2 (0:30) Winds up and… Oh man, what in the Helen’s house was that? Did he just try some kind of sidewinder cross-body swing throw? Who taught him that? And then that goofy little leg whip to finish it? And he missed his target by 5 feet and she had to go chase it. Wow. Ugly. Let’s hear what our Judge, the lovely Elizabeth has to say about that one, she’s probably changed her tune.

“He looks athletic, he looks comfortable, he looks like he knows what he’s doing.”

What?! C’mon, that was terrible. I’m not sure you know what your talking about anymore. You clearly have no idea what an athletic throw looks like because that one was awkward, un-athletic, and uncomfortable to watch, and I bet it only gets worse.

(At this point, all the girls have come out to join the fun. They’ve split up into blonds vs. brunettes and Jake has volunteered to quarterback on both sides, which means both teams will end up losing this game.)

Jake Throw #3 (0:57) Jake drops back, scans the…courtyard, gets flushed to the left, and… Wait, did he just heave his entire body 5 feet forward and into the air just to complete that short pass. What the..? Was he just launching a javelin? Was there a bear attacking one of the girls and he was firing a spear at it to save her? That was the most ridiculous looking throw ever. That was more unnecessary than an Eric Byrnes flip throw to home plate.  Jakester with the ol’ body heave hailmary javelin throw on a 10 yard out. Awesome.

Earlier you heard Jake mention that he played football in high school. That’s becoming hard believe. Maybe he kicked? I don’t know, let’s move on to the 4th throw though, which is the best throw of all time. Here’s the breakdown:

Jake Throw #4 (1:08) Jake takes the snap, does some sort of weak playaction fake, takes 3 kangaroo hops away from some mild pressure, then, for whatever reason, he opts for the Tebow jump pass! He fires the most awkward looking shotput spin pass straight up into the sky… and go figure! It’s intercepted, by a small girl in a dress.

Are you kidding me Jake? You just freaked out and hopped like a kangaroo and launched a jump throw straight up in the air because a 5’2 girl in a dress was in your face? And then you got picked off? Aw Jake, buddy, you’ve just earned yourself a seat on the hard wood. You might be the nicest guy alive, and after watching more of the episode, eh, you unquestionably are, but you are not quarterbacking again anytime soon. You can play in the next game, but only as an all-time pass rusher, because, well, you’re borderline terrible. And that’s what I can tell by the way you throw the ball, you are not very good it. Lucky for you though, Elizabeth would disagree. And if your looking for someone who will overlook any flaws the rest of your life, you should definitely give her a rose.