Pigskin Links with NFL Lockout Guarantees

Howdy folks. Well, the Pigskin Doctors are heading off to the Big Apple to visit thanks  to our friends at Vaseline.  We’ll be chatting up with some NFL players including ex-Giant Michael Strahan, who is working with Keep Your Grip Challenge, and doing some work with the NFL Play 60.  Good times will be had by all and we’re told by good authority that Michael Strahan will buy us a 12″ Meatball sub just for showing up.

OK, maybe not that last part but I’m not giving up hope yet.

Aqib Talib (And His Mom) Are Turning Themselves In

Tampa Bay Buccaneers defensive back Aqib Talib is on the run from local Texas police. Good to see that the NFL’s players are finding their own special ways to keep busy during the NFL lockout. Talib is scheduled to turn himself in later this week on a warrant for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. His bail will be set at $25,000, police said.
[via With Leather]

NFL Lockout News: [Incoming Transmission From The Future]

To whomever may be listening: it is imperative that you put a stop to the NFL lockout. The consequences of a prolonged work stoppage are more dire than you could ever begin to imagine.

At the time the lockout commenced, it was thought that the worst that could occur was perhaps that a full season of the NFL would be lost, stripping billions from the economy and leaving tens of thousands of wage workers, whose livelihood depends on NFL games, without a source of income. While these did in fact happen and are unfortunate, it turns out that they should be the least of your worries.
[via Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Black Eyed Peas: Everybody Poops

Broncos QB Tim Tebow Loses In First Round of Madden 2012 Cover Vote

A Sports has teamed up with ESPN’s SportsNation to allow NFL fans the chance to choose this year’s cover for Madden 2012 by casting votes in a 32-player tournament. Unfortunately, Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow was eliminated in the first round of the tournament–which means the former Gator will not appear on this year’s cover.
[via Broncos Central]

Britney Spears: Femme Fatale (Gallery)

The pop queen Britney Spears fell off the map for a number of years when she decided to go mental, marry a backup dancer, have children with said backup dancer, shave her head, and just be generally retarded.

Joy. Now she’s back.
[via Campus Socialite]

Titans Owner Bud Adams Guarantees A 2011 NFL Season

On Monday Night, the 88 year old Adams was honored with a lifetime humanitarian award by the T.J. Martell Foundation. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell presented him with the award. Before being honored, reporters asked him about the status of the lockout. Adams told fans not to fret.
[via Cosby Sweaters]

Natalie Portman’s Thong Causes Trouble For Your Highness

If you have seen the trailer for the upcoming movie with Danny McBride and James Franco “Your Highness” you will remember very well a scene in which hottie Natalie Portman shows off her medieval thong while swimming in a pond.
[via Dave and Thomas]

It’s Friday… The 13th

Jason Voorhees so excited.

NFLPA Handbook Gives Common Sense Tips To Players

The NFL Lockout is a nasty monster that paints all involved with a greedy brush. Whatever the outcome of the standoff between the owners and players (my guess, the owners have a season this year), the NFL Players Association (NFLPA) has created a guide to help players survive the lockout.

The average NFL player lasts in the league around 4 years. Yeah, they make a lot of money but most don’t make the Tom Brady or Peyton Manning salaries. With that in mind, a few players may face a number of issues with their money.

And let’s face it, there’s a lot of players out there who illustrate on a regular basis that they have zero common sense when it comes to their money.

Here’s a quick overview of what the NFLPA is suggesting for the NFL players. For you and me, some of these things are pretty obvious. Like for instance, if you have 8 friends living in your den and sponging off you, you might want to cut back. At least to 5 friends sponging off you. You can save a lot of money that way.

And thanks to an anonymous email, I got my hands on a similar handbook published for the NFL Commish and the owners. Here’s a few, juicy bits from that book

•Cut your salary down to $1/year even though it’s a minor source of your income.

•Hit the grocery store instead of the restaurant? Nope. Buy grocery stores instead of restaurants so the players have somewhere to shop.

•Save money on fuel and buddy up with another Billionaire when flying your G4.
(Tip: this also applies to hookers)

•Hold off on that 4th hot tub installation in your private yacht, at least until the TV money comes in this fall.

•Hire a few shady workers to mess with the wires on the Jumbotrons in your stadiums and start huge fires. File insurance claims stating the grounds are not suitable for use and watch the money role in.
(Tip: also works in Minnesota and substitute snow for fire)

•Say “no” or “not now” to money requests from employees, and don’t “pay employees to perform work that a migrant worker can easily do for free.”

Worst NFL Rumor of the Week: Brett Favre To Be A Panther?

From the “Please Make It Stop” department comes this weeks worst NFL rumor. Retired (and technically free agent) QB Brett Favre may be joining the Carolina Panthers. It just wouldn’t be spring if we didn’t talk about this, would it?

Favre, who turns 42 this fall, is burning up the rumor mill with that possibility.  What scares me the most is that it might happen.  The guy just can’t seem to shake the NFL Fever and know when to retire.  You would think that after last year, which was full of injuries, disappointment and scandal, would have made anyone want to retire.

But this is Brett.  He quits the NFL as many times as a meth-head quits the drug.  Favre’s addicted and with Carolina needing something, anything, to stand behind center and act like a QB you can bet that someone in the Panthers front office is scratching their chins and waiting for a returned call from Brett. The Panthers hold the #1 pick in the NFL Draft next month and would be more suited to take a stab at Cam Newton.

Personally, this type of news makes me hold out that the NFL will cancel the full 2011-12 season just to keep Brett out of the headlines for awhile.

NFL Lockout, The Taiwanese Animated Version

The NFL is currently embroiled in a players’ lockout. Many are beginning to worry there won’t be a 2011 season. To make sure it’s hit the peak of pop culture, the Taiwan TV station that regularly does those cheap animations has summed up the NFL lockout in great style.

Players have filed an antitrust lawsuit against the NFL and its owners, who initiated the lockout after talks over a new collective bargaining agreement broke down.

A number of people sided with the players via a player-endorsed petition to the league, but many other fans aren’t as quick to sympathize with a bunch of millionaires.

Though they don’t need the money, players might take second careers to keep busy if the lockout lasts into the new season. Hines Ward is already competing on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’

The lockout stands to affect more than players and fans. Sales of chicken wings are closely-tied to the football season and could drop disastrously, industry insiders say.

Sunday NFL Action

There’s no football this Sunday but that doesn’t mean there is a lack of news in the NFL.  Here’s some of the news making headlines this weekend.

Tale of NFL’s oldest cheerleader to get film treatment

The story of Laura Vikmanis, who at 42 is the oldest cheerleader in NFL history, is getting the big-screen treatment.

New Line has picked up the story of Vikmanis, acquiring her life rights as well as a pitch by scribes Emily Cook and Kathy Greenberg, whose credits include “Gnomeo & Juliet” and “Ratatouille.”

Ochocinco Attends MLS Tryout

First there was the reality show ‘Ultimate Catch’ on VH-1, then came the T.Ocho show on Versus, and now we can catch Chad Ochocinco in a comedy of sorts as he “tries” out for Sporting Kansas City, a MLS franchise. The Cincinnati Bengals WR played soccer in high school, but obviously showed a significant amount of rust on the first of tryouts on Wednesday.

Ravens Safety Tom Zbikowski Wins Another Boxing Match; Improves to 3-0 in Career

Two weeks ago, Tom Zbikowski participated in his first fight since 2006 after defeating Richard Bryant in Las Vegas. The former Notre Dame standout has another fight scheduled in Dallas set for April 23 and could even schedule more fights depending on how negotiations go between players and owners over the next month or so.

Take That! Fan Sues NFL Over Lockout

Talk about being fanatic. A Cleveland area businessman and Cleveland Browns fan has decided to sue the NFL and its teams in an attempt to end the current lockout between the front office and the players union (NFLPA). Ken Lanci, a Brown’s fan that bought 10 Personal Seat Licenses in 1997, claims “his right to buy tickets through his personal seat license has been violated because of the lockout.

Packers Player’s Poor Judgement May Have Ended His Career

Green Bay Packers defensive end Johnny Jolly, may have just forfeited his career, not only as a Packer, but as an NFL player all together because of his chronic drug problems.

If John Elway Were Around Two Years Ago, Broncos Might Not Have Traded Jay Cutler

Since taking over the duties of Executive Vice President of Football Operations in January, John Elway has been doing everything he can to make sure the Denver Broncos bounce back from their disappointing 4-12 season in 2010. While Kyle Orton and Tim Tebow are expected to provide one of the most interesting position battles at quarterback once training camp rolls around, Elway recently expressed his feelings towards Jay Cutler–the quarterback traded by the Broncos before the 2009 NFL Draft.

Cam Newton Schedules Visit With Washington Redskins

The Washington Redskins already know Donovan McNabb will not be with the team next season–which is why they’ll be looking to add a quarterback through free agency or the draft this offseason. If they do end up going with a quarterback from this year’s draft, there’s one player the Redskins hope will somehow be available at No. 10–Auburn’s Cam Newton.

Cowboys Jason Witten Appears In Archie Comics

Tight End Jason Witten is spending his NFL offseason helping out the kids of Riverdale High with underage drinking. The Cowboys All Pro Tight End has been illustrated into Archie Comics in an upcoming comic in which the NFL player joins Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), Archie and Jughead to teach about the dangers of drinking and driving.

“The whole idea here is prevention. To prevent kids from drinking,” Victor Gorelick, president and editor-in-chief of Archie Comics, told The Associated Press. “But a lot of parents know that this can be a big problem with teenagers, yet they have problems talking to their kids.”

So, in a bid to help bridge that gap, MADD contacted Archie Comics about PowerTalk 21, an April 21 national event that seeks to have parents talking to their children about underage drinking.

“One of the things that was discussed was the possibility of doing a story, involving Jason Witten,” Gorelick said. “Riverdale is his first stop and that he’s going to other schools, too.”

And that’s what transpires in “Archie Double Digest” No. 217, out this week in comic shops, which opens with prom around the corner and plans for a party with parents out of town. [via]

Catch Up With The 2010 NFL Season in Six Minutes

With the looming NFL Lockout in gear, NFL Fans will have to figure out what to do with their free Sundays next season. In the meantime they can catch up on the 2010 NFL Season. NFL Films provides an inspiring look back at the greatest moments from the 2010 NFL season.

Pigskin Links with More Meat

• VIDEO: Did Jordan Crawford Throw the Worst Pass in NBA History Last Night? [BroBible]
• Thank god it’s Friday (though its Thursday) [Afro Jacks]
• Sorority Pillow Fight! Awesome and Sexy [Dave and Thomas Daily Timekillers]
• Top 5 STD’s Charlie Sheen Gave Jimmy Kimmel [Turd Ferguson Blog]
• 5 Most Sought-After Fictional Celebrity Internships [The Campus Socialite]
• Worst Promotion Ever? Seattle Mariners May Hold Free Compost Night [BallTribe Sports News]
• 8 Bizarre and Incredibly Specific Dating Sites to Fulfill Your Every Fetish and Fantasy [The Bachelor Guy]
• Star Wars, Real Life Comics! Issue 1, Luke and Leia [Funny Crave]
• Own your own petite lap giraffe courtesy of Sokoblovsky Farms [Guyism]
• Cheerleaders of the 2011 NCAA Sweet 16 Showdown [COED Magazine]
• AWESOMENESS: Mighty Ducks Gangsta Rap [Sharapova's Thigh]
• NHL Playoff Preview – Eastern Conference [The Puck Doctors]
• Paris Hilton is good at tennis, being slutty [GiggityGreg]

Meat Car : Epic Meal Time returns with more meat and bacon and bacon

Top Five People You Won’t See On Madden 12

EA Sports is allowing the fans to vote for the athlete that will grace the upcoming Madden 12 video game. Last year the video game maker ran a similar contest with just a handful of people and the Saints Drew Brees won.

Drew also shook off the Madden Curse, a nasty thing that happens to those that make the cover and usually involves injury or horrible years. Brees didn’t have his best year but nothing to shake a curse at.

This year’s lot of athletes will allow fans to vote on a nice, huge number of 32 athletes.  Or I should say, 31 athletes and a group of fans.  All the teams are represented but apparently EA couldn’t find a player worthy on the Seattle Seahawks and just lumped in their local “12th Man” fan base.  I guess it’s good they didn’t put T.J. Houshmandzadeh in the list for Seattle but I think they could have nominated Lofa Tatupu or Marshawn or even the aging Hasselbeck.

Oh well, that’s just how it goes.  Despite the looming lockout, EA Sports will go ahead with the popular game title. To get to the list of 32 candidates, EA Sports had to widdle out a few people involved in the NFL who just didn’t seem right to put on the cover.  Here’s a look at the Top Ten People You Won’t See on the Madden 12 Cover.

5. Jay Cutler

Jay was once called out by a reported with the great quote: “If he’s not The Most Hated Man in the NFL, he’s in the running.”

Cutler didn’t play the second half of the Bears playoff loss which prompted fans to call him out for being a wimp. Even though it turned out that Cutler had a nasty knee injury, there’s just something about Jay’s attitude and lack of enthusiasm that just rubs fans the other way.

4. Terrell Owens/Chad Ochocinco

The two-headed ego monster in Cincy brought very little to the table for the Bengals last year.  With Carson Palmer on the outs and the fate of the T.O and Ocho, the future in Cincinnati looks murky. Will T.O. retire? Does anyone care?  Where will Ocho be next year? And if he stays in Cincy, who will be his QB?

Although I think both players would love the extra attention from being on the game cover, they don’t need it.

3. Kyle Orton

When I think of Kyle Orton I always think of this bit character in the NBC show “30 Rock.”  When learning the ropes of the company you also learn you need a corporate stooge to blame everything on.  Meet Howard Jorgensen. He’s the stooge that NBC uses. When they want to blame someone they just point to Jorgensen and say it’s his fault. Jorgensen raises his glass of scotch and accepts the blame.

That’s just how I see Orton. He’s kinda along for the ride and probably drinking on the bench. I don’t really blame him. Maybe he can start up a cool handball league with Jake Plummer if the lockout continues next year.

P.S. ….vote for Tebow

2. Tom Brady

Let’s be real and say that Brady is by far the most important player on the Pats.  But with a haircut like this you just can’t put him on the cover of a football game.  Maybe FIFA 12, but not Madden!  C’mon.  This game was founded by a guy who created the Turducken, which is meat stuffed inside of meat!

John Madden would not let a ponytail fly on the cover of the game.

1.  Roger Goodell

Just the name says it all.

Make Your Own Replica Patriots Jersey and Helmet…Out of Wood!

You know you’re a real sports fan when you own your own football jersey and helmet. You’re not a die-hard fan until you make your own….out of wood!

One Patriots fan uses his skills in crafting wood to make his own commemorative Patriots gear. Woodworker Walter Croft of Coventry, Rhode Island, makes sports uniforms out of wood. He hand crafts them and paints them to be near exact replicas. Here’s a video of Walt making up a sweet Tedy Bruschi uniform.

Very nice. Now maybe Walt can used those tools to give Tom Brady a haircut.

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